Ok so I SUCK!

• Male idols do date ladies.
• Yo! South Korea, don’t you dare block my shows or we will cut you!!!!!
• Brown Eyed Girls video for Abracadabra fails on many levels. We just don’t get it.
• American female stars biting off G Dragons half shaved look. No girl should do that.
• CL from 2NE1 is cross eyed…nuff said.
• The battle of the dramas in the fall. Who will win??? APOPA says fight it out…naked…with oil…
  Cyn & Ana serenade Betty with a little Haru, Haru.
• You know you go down on Junsu too.
• Tons of SM Entertainment artist are depressed…why????
• Ana Pana’s Artist Profile of the Week is Alice Nine…we bow down to Tora
• If you shop at JcPenny then this message goes out to you…YOU’RE GROSS!!!!
• Kurosagi wins, Ana Pana fails…YAMAPIIIII!!!
• Nino kisses a DUDE!
• Burn Johnny's costume plz!

(3 days before she died. This was our last picture together)

Where to begin? Well 3 years ago today on 6-6-06, I know creepy 666. Even though she died on that day I now don't think of 666 as being bad, I think of it as another angel being added to heaven. I've been thru a lot in life but there have been two events in my life that has left so much effect on me and they are my grandfathers death in 2003 and then my grandmothers death in 2006. Those two events were hard. I still really can't even speak of them to anyone without getting emotional or teary eyed.

(The last Mothers Day alive)

My grandmother had diabetes and she was very stubborn so of course she didn't always do things or eat things that were exactly good for a diabetic person. She always said she was going to live her life the way she wanted to live her life. After my grandfather past, we went ahead and moved her to Florida so that she can get better care of her diabetes. She was an avid cigar smoker and eat things that she shouldn't have been eating and all that lead to complications with her diabetes. She had not 1, not 2 but 3 amputations to one of her legs. It started with a toe, then an ankle then her leg. That was a rough, rough time. I saw the depression in her eyes. It broke my heart. One time in the hospital after they finally took the whole leg and she was in so much pain, she just kept saying "I want to die, I want to die, I want to be with Nene (my grandfather)" her saying that pist me off so much that for the first time in my life I actually yelled at her "Stop being so selfish! Stop saying those stupid things" I regret that so much because now thinking about it, I was the one being selfish, I didn't want her to leave me. I should have thought of her and her pain. Instead of thought of me and my pain of losing her. I regret that so much.

She was a funny creature. I remember growing up and she would always smoke these hand rolled cigars that she hand made. Me and my younger cousins always thought she was smoking weed or something, LOL. She would always crack jokes and dance around the house and of course like the rest of our family members, she was LOUD! lol. She always made sure everyone eat. At times it was annoying because I would have just eaten and 1o minutes later she would come up to me and ask me if I was hungry and if I said no then she would still go into the kitchen and make something. She sure did want her kids to be plump, lol.

(The last Mothers Day with my 2 brothers)

Diabetes took her life in 2006, 3 years after my grandfather.

The night that we took my grandmothers body back to Dominican Republic, I remember saying out loud before I went to bed that night "Mama, if you want to talk to me do it in my dream and not in person so I don't get scared" LOL I actually did say that. Sure enough she heard me because she came into my dream, dressed in her hospital gown with both her legs, looking healthy and she told me "I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm back with Nene. Tell everyone I'm fine. I love you" I woke up crying. But I also felt peace because she was happy to be back with the love of her life and not alone and depressed.

credit: Xiahbaidu
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